Where shall I begin?
Picture this, Sicily 1912, I was 15 and was plucking a chicken on my parents farm when I had a chance encounter with this dashing young man who had stopped to ask for directions. Oh wait…that is a different story.
Friday we had a little snow storm. Actually, it was predicted that we were going to get 10-15 inches so everyone was sent home from work early. Sure enough, it stopped snowing around 7:30 and all the hub bub was for nothing. So Greg and Aga call me and asks if I want to go to Tina’s to play poker. I wasn’t in the mood to drive anywhere so I said “I have a ton of extra food and beer left over from my party, why don’t you guys come and play here?” Since the group was just Aga, Greg, Jay, Aga’s brother Mike and then Tina…I thought, how bad can that be?
Hmmmm shall I list the ways. It all started when they got to my house and the group was +1. They called him Schneider. He would later be known as the Anti-Christ (AC).
That comment from above, you guessed it. He repeated it over and over and over! But that was only the minor things. In order to conserve what little energy I have, I am going to list the annoying antics that put me over the edge.
1. Enter home and insult homeowner by calling her short and stubby. A pleasure to meet you too Schneider.
2. Ask “what’s to eat” and then get annoyed that the food has not been cooked yet.
3. Enter basement and determine that the whole poker game must be put on hold in order for Schneider to play beer pong to put all of the old folks at the party to shame. Ahh, he is just full of compliments.
4. Get stuck on a beer pong team with Schneider and almost hit him over the head with a bat because he has the attention span of a flea.
5. Luckily win game, but it takes an hour to play because we have to deal with AC shenanigans throughout the whole game…including a quasi wrestling match where he is thrown on the cement floor and laughs. Okay……
6. Walk around the room following Schneider as he continues to open new beers, leaving half full bottles all around the room. All told, I think he consumed the equivalent of 2 beers. Total opened…8. Fabulous. I am so glad I work for a living.
7. Enter the Poker game. After incessant talking (he makes me look like a mute) we begin. He informs me (the novice player) that I should just hand him my money and go to bed. Hahaha nutjob…this little novice housed you and took the $75 pot. That’ll teach you to mock the host! To see my pile of chips was amazing.
8. And then we have what we are referring to as “Garbage Can Gate.”
As Aga and I are cleaning up after the poker game we reach under the bar counter and notice that the garbage can (new and beautiful) had been strategically placed out of sight and crammed in a corner (Exhibit A). Upon further inspection we notice that the hidden can is there because it had been broken into multiple pieces (Exhibit B).
Exhibit A - The Hiding Place
Exhibit B - Garbage Can Gate Scandel Uncovered
Exhibit C - The shards
I calmly walk up the stairs and say…”Sooo, which one of you mature and responsible adults broke my garbage can into pieces and then thought that it was okay to hide it under the bar and hope that no one would find it.” And thus begins that elaborate cover-up story and outright denial of any involvement. Little did they know that I was the least of their concern. I simply wanted ownership of the mishap. But there was someone who was a bit angrier about how the whole thing was playing out. I have never seen Aga that pissed off in my life. I think it was because it was coupled with her mortification that she had somehow been responsible for this guest being brought into my home.
Warning: Future children of Aga and Greg…own up to whatever bad thing you do. If you heed this warning, you will live to see many more years. If you chose to ignore me, Aga will make you pay. Literally.
With a stern finger and devilishly straight face, Aga demanded that both Mike and AC pay up five bucks to replace it. Mike quickly changed his tune and insisted he was just the lookout man but the breaking and the hiding all was all Schneider. He sang like a bird so quickly~ Aga pointed and the next thing you know I was $10 richer. Although he felt persecuted, they left shortly thereafter and I went to bed knowing that tonight was the first and last time I would have to know Schneider AKA AC.
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