Backwards Upsidedown and Sideways

Okay, so the delay in Installment postings has made it a bit hard to follow. Personal recommendation...use the links on the right side bar to go in numerical order...it may make more sense. However, please feel free to read however you would like. Since I am the one writing, there is no guarantee that reading it in order will make it sound any more normal.

9. Jackass Passengers Please Disembark!

Ok, let's discuss….your on a bobsled and its snowing out and its cold…okay go!

No, just kidding, let's discuss the real issue here. Airplane seat policy and unspoken rules of courtesy while flying!

1. Don't hog more than one seat. Check
2. Make sure you do not smell offensive. Check
3. Do not interrupt passengers who are eating, drinking, sleeping, or reading. Check
4. Do not hog the overhead bins. Check
5. Be courteous of the passengers to your left and right. Check
6. Be courteous of the passengers in front of and behind you. Check MINUS!

How Rude! I had this schelpp behind me that obviously missed the memo on airplane manners. This jackass was out of control. It is a 7 hour flight so it would be safe to assume that passengers will be reclining there seats to sleep. Well, he would not have it. Even though I practiced the art of 'the slow and gentle recline' (so as not to squish said passenger or spill anything he may have on his meal tray) he was completely displeased and would let me know about it every chance he could get. The constant book slamming, the kicking of the back of the seat, putting his feet between the seats where Crystal and my heads were, pulling on the back of our seats as leverage every time he stood up (which was every 20 minutes or so), leaning his knees on the back of the seat and rocking back and forth (waking me from a somewhat sound sleep)…shall I continue. After about 4 hours of this I quietly asked the flight attendant if she could ask him to be more courteous…her response " well there is really nothing I can do love, try asking him to be nice." And to think, I was loving Virgin Atlantic until this point. (Okay, I still love them, but I was very disappointed in their response.) I took their advice and asked the gentleman if he could kindly stop causing so much movement to the back of my chair. He responded with "Hey lady, I paid $600 for this seat, I can kick your chair if I want." Needless to say, my frown told Crystal all she needed to know. Henceforth we adopted the battle cry "Jackass Passengers Please Disembark!" And we made his $600 well worth it! hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

8. And the Packing Emmy Goes To...

I forgot how much stuff could fit into my little backpack! Learning from our earlier mistakes upon entry into England, I was determined to pack more efficiently (and with less legal issues) than on the way to London. With all of the gifts and goodies we all bought, we decided to pack the day before we left so that we had time to purchase additional suitcases if necessary! I know, this may sound a bit over the top, but as you learned in installment 6, shopping became a bit of a compulsion while abroad.

I don't know how, I mean, I really don't know how, but I managed to get all of my clothes, and some of Crystals clothes in my little backpack. I had planned ahead and brought this great roll up bag with me as well so that I could use it on the way home. Thank goodness since it was big enough to fit my purse and goodies…considering the silly one carry-on rule. Anywhoooooooooooooo, my packing was unbelievable. If there was an award for packing…yours truly would have claimed the prize. Mind you, the backpack would have to be checked as it weighed a bazillion pounds, but the need for an emergency suitcase purchase was avoided. Thank God as it may have prohibited us from having any funds left to take the train to the airport. Oh Shucks…we would have had to stay in London. Granted, we would have been bums living on the street…but we could have stayed! We spent the day walking around and relaxing…enjoying Paddington station and getting those few last minute must have items. Tomorrow morning…we head home.

After a very quick breakfast and trip to the Internet café, we grab our perfectly packed things and head to the airport. We were determined to have a better exit, than entry. There was only one small flaw in the plan. The Damn RIBENA!

Here I was trying to do something nice for my sister. I bought a three pack box of blackcurrent juice boxes. Her favorite. I packaged them up nicely in my carry-on and was so excited to give them to her. Lest we forget…the 3 oz liquid maximum on airlines. DAGGIT! Yet….I would not go quietly. I managed to convince a lovely clerk at the Virgin Atlantic counter that it was a morale imperative that I get my checked luggage in order to put the drinks in the bag. This worked. Three plastic bags later and pajamas tightly packed around it…I crossed my fingers and hoped that my luggage did not makes it way around the conveyor belt in a lovely shade of purple. Please…just let the RIBENA make it. All was right with the world after the new packing scenario and we boarded the plane almost completely unscathed. I did get frisked in security (more like groped) but it turned out it was my bra. I guess they don't wear under wire in London. 7 and ½ hours later and we would be home again L

BTW…London airport…ten times more efficient than US airports. Where do we go so drastically wrong.

7. Shoppers Anonymous…Hi My Names is Lesli and I have a Problem

Excursion day 5 and Crystal and I get adventurous. We go on a shopping extravaganza all over London and the surrounding towns.. For those of you who may have forgotten…this was dumb as neither one of us have any spending money. Yet, we were prepared to sell our souls to the devil for a pair of funky boots, a nice jacket, and perhaps some nice leather goods. For two people who work in the field of addiction, we should have seen the signs. But hey, this is vacation right. 10 hours later and we were just getting back to the hotel. Rainstorm and all, shopped like crazy. At one point a stupid desk clerked managed to screw up a transaction so that Crystal's credit card was declined. But that did not stop us at all. A wink wink and a batting of the eyelashes and we scored ourselves not one…..but two free prints at the National Gallery! Hahahaha, Victorious! The bags began to overtake the closet and the floor of our hotel room. Anymore and we may have had to spill over to the bathroom This would have been problematic as there was that whole showerhead flooding thing. We returned home in time to share a quick bite with Nick before he headed out again. He was invited to the second squeeze show and after party. The VIP list for 1. Sure, we see how it is Nick. Just kidding! He was excited to have a personal invite from Chris (Band Member) so there was no doubt he MUST go. Crystal and I took this opportunity to go back to the room to recover from our shopping spree. A few bottles of wine and plenty of Leffe made for quite a lovely evening!

6. Please Sir I want some More..Money That Is!

Day Four and the funds are severely low. Nick and I tirelessly count our "change" to see if we have enough left to get a beer. Sadly, we did not. Looks like I will be making a quick visit to our trusty friends American and Express! God Bless travelers checks. Yes, people do still use them…and for good reason. The American Express shop will exchange them at the best rate possible and without a fee. Crystal was wishin' she had some TC right about now~


Alas, I turned in my 5 crisp TC and received a piddly 100 pounds in return. Fie and the crappy dollar. It was about this time during the trip when I began to sing Oliver in my head. Gee I wonder why? Come'on…take a guess. At one point, Crystal and I contemplated reusing our buss passes two days in a row and crossing our fingers that no one looked closely at the date. This thought became more appealing after the "change counting" incident, however, it was a short lived thought. Immediately upon exiting American Express a buss drove by with mug shots plastered on the side. People caught without bus passes! We looked at each other and realized that the lasting impression we wanted to leave on London was not our faces in gigundo size on the side of a bus. Knowing us…this was not a far fetched thought. And without money for bail…we would be doomed. Wouldn't you know they next day we were on a buss that got stopped for the ticket checkers…Thank goodness for small miracles!

5. “Squeeze” Me A Little More

So tonight is Nick's night. He had originally planned his entire trip on this one concert. When Crystal and I crashed his trip he was nice enough to get us tickets to the concert as well. Ahhh, but these are not just any tickets, (I've got a golden ticket, I've got a golden ticket) they were fancy important people tickets. That's right, for one night we were all GROUPIES! I love it.

In preparation for what we knew would be a long night, we had a fairly relaxed day around town. Crystal and I spent the morning doing a little more sight seeing and then the three of us met up and went to Trafalgar Square to spend the afternoon at the National Gallery. We spent quite a bit of time admiring the Leonardo Room, the Impressionist wing (of course) and then the portrait gallery. I introduced Crystal to the story of Solome` and the devilish beheadings that were the result. She fell in love with the painting and it would later become quite and adventure for she and I.




Okay, so after culturing for the afternoon we head back to the hotel to get in concert mode. While in the room Crystal makes a monumental discovery about the RV-size shower that we have ( that has a tendency to flood the mini bathroom in our room). The Shower Head Moves! This means that we can shave our legs and wash our hair without falling in the toilet! Those Brits sure do like to save on space J This new discovery allows Crystal and I to get all "dolled" up for the concert and look a bit more mainstream London. Once adequately "cute-ified" we meet Victoria and Nick to head out for dinner before the show.

Our original plan was for Indian food, but fearing the stomach issues that may ensue, Crystal and I veto the Indian and opt for the best Fish and Chips ever. But we make a quit stop at a pub near the Apollo for a very specific reason. We all order a pint of Guinness in order to do a British Toast for Jay on his Birthday. This pub is supposed to bring good luck on birthdays so we drank one for Jay. Guinness downed, we head over to the next pub for more Guinness and our dinner. I think I may have inhaled my food. It was soooooo good and makes a great base…..

Off to the concert and we get in the line for special people! No not "special" like you are all thinking, it was the line for VIP and backstage passes and our entry to the after party. Yup..you read that correctly, the after party. London…I have Arrived! While in line we bumped into Simon, the drummer from the band. Long and short of it….he took a liking to his new little American Friends as you will see in the pictures below. Hey what can I say, I'm smart, I'm funny…and men adore me!

The after party was awesome and we literally closed the Apollo. At one point the staffers asked us if anyone was left in the theater! Aren't we cool. We met the entire band and actually spent about 3 hours just hanging our with them and a few others. The beers were free flowing and you can see our progressive state of deterioration. At one point, we tried this self portrait but it was hindered my Crystal turning the camera off instead of actually taking the picture. That, in and of itself, should have been a sign to go home.

Take note of crazy drummer and his "favorite little American" I was unrpepared for that!

Crystal..is the camera on??

This picture is not nearly as bad as it looks..I was mearly proving a point to Victoria and stated..."You gotta own it baby, if you believe it, everyone will think you do!!!" ROCK ON! Caught on Tape!)

At the end of the night we headed out to wait for the night bus to take us back to the hotel. It would be awhile before the next bus so we decided to entertain ourselves. Can't say that this was a very good idea. Victoria...are you still with us??

Life Imitating Art...or Ads...!

And the night bus was straight out of Harry Potter for crying out loud. It was like a 30 minute scrape with death getting home. After an unlimited number of Grolsch…maybe we should have walked. Although Victoria seemed to be the one in the worst shape…not good since she was our directional guru. Yikes. Alas, we made it home safely and tried to rest so as not to sleep the day away….

4. Hoofin’ It Around London

The one fabulous thing about Europe..people aren't fat because they walk everywhere. You know the old tale that you can Tell an American is in Europe because they are the only ones wearing sneakers and a sweatshirt….well, actually that is a polite way of saying " we can tell you are American because you are OBESE!" Everyone in London was tiny, and after they day that we had today, I understand why. We were up bright and early this morning and ready to see the sites. This was surprising since we got in to London in the wee hours of the morning before and spent the whole day and night out. But, after the umbrella debacle, we were ready to head out on a clear day. I think this may just be the longest day of my life. I mean really, it seemed to go on forever. I am convinced that London has more than 24 hours in their day. I just know it. It is their little secret that they keep from the rest of the world. Hahaha, your secret has been revealed you silly English K-nig-gits.!

Off we go, we start out at Paddington and make our way down and around to the shopping Districts on Regent and Oxford Streets. Holy smokes, shopping understatement here. This is extreme, there is so much to take in it is crazy. Our first stop is to scope out the window displays that they have for Christmas. Let me tell you…London knows how to do it up! This city makes NYC look like a Christmas joke. Every street has ornate lights and decorations and EVERY store window (I really mean every) has a display. These things are beyond words. The time and effort that goes into them is unreal. We were all fascinated by this. To the point that we lost a little track of time. (This is okay however as we have now discovered the special London hours that exist) After ooing and ahhhhing for quite some time, we all decide that it is a morale imperative(there were several of these throughout the trip in various forms) that we revisit this at night to see if the lights are all they are cracked up to be. Ahhh and so begins out adventure. We decide to do it all. We make our way from Oxford street up to Piccadilly and then Trafalgar square. We then change gears and go to Soho, Chinatown, and then Carnaby street. (FYI..the decorations continue and every street has a different theme).




I require a little Covent Garden Love so we make the trek (with a little help from the bus) to do a little boot shopping. A must on any London visit.

Switching gears once more…we decide it is time to start seeing the sights. Oh wait… we must stop for a beer. This seems to develop into an unhealthy obsession as our trip continues. The abundance of pubs in London did NOT go unnoticed by this traveling pack.

Anywhoooooooooooooooo Yumm Beer, and now….The BEATLES. That's right, we hop on a bus and take a stroll down to Abbey Road and the Apple Recording Studio. We check out the Official Beatles store, the Rock and Roll Store…and my personal favorite Elvisly Yours! My Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love …ELVIS. May he rest in peace! Hahahahah



You would think that by now we are ready to die. You would be right, but this will not stop us. We are in London for crying out load. So, how do we regain our strength…we drink beeeeeeeer. Guinness, a meal in every glass, or two, or three. Rejuvenated and ready to go…we hit phase two of the day. Sight-seeing at night. Okay, back down Regent and Oxford, through Piccadilly, over to Tower Bridge, Tower of London,

(pause for some human abstract/modern art light displays see above)

down and around to this wonderful and beautiful place that I can't remember what it is… hahahhahaah








We finally went down past Piccadilly again, hopped a bus and headed home. Good lord I was tired. Oh and don't think we didn't stop for dinner and ..you guessed it…..beer!!!!

3. Our Own Personal Tour Guide

All, meet Victoria...Victoria, meet all!



(Please keep in mind that she is far cuter than this picture portrays..however, with all of our silliness I have no serious pictures of her!)

Victoria is Nick's friend from the U.S. who frequents England like I do Massachusetts. The girl has a love of England that goes beyond anything I have ever seen, even more than my sister! Shocking. Her mom is from England so the two of them were on Holiday the week before we got to London. When Nick found out that she was there he convinced her to stay an extra week so that she can hang out with us...and of course go to more Squeeze concerts:) After our first day of meandering around town and getting settled in and scoping our our surroundings, we met up with Victoria for our first night on the London scene. Off we head to dinner and drinks...fantastic. Victoria and Nick decide we will head to the Monkey Pub for a pint and some food. We get there and the place is great. Victoria and I head straight for the Strongbow and Nick and Crystal choose the crowd favorite. Holy sweetness Strongbow. That was the hardest pint to drink. I thought I may lose a tooth in the whole process, but luckily I came out unscathed. So, we go to order our first dinner, how exciting (at least for me). But to my horror and dismay, there is a set menu...tonight's special, BBQ Lamb. Houston, we have a problem. Let's just say, lamb and I don't like each other very much. It is a mutual hatred that never be brought to the public attention. Time out....does this mean I will have to starve in London. Aggggggggggggggggggggg. But to my surprise, I happened to pick the most laid back bunch of travel buddies in the world. No Lamb..No Problem. Come friends, let us away! Off we go to Pub # 2. And we have Success. The Old Gentleman is the place to be. Although Crystals fish left much to be desired, (WARNING: Never Ever order a fish called Plaice in London!!!) I fattened myself up on Meat Pie and Mash...Delicious. With a solid base in place, the rest of the night was quite lovely!


Nick and Crystal at the Pub


One of the many men Crystal had the ability to attract... He's a keeper.


The three stooges


Nick and I after a good Dinner

Installment Interruption...

It was brought to my attention that most of you have no idea who my crazy travel companions were for my trip to London. So, to get everyone up to speed, a quick recap...
Our first dinner at "The Old Gentleman" Pub

Nick and Crystal are both coworkers in various departments within the company. I worked with Nick a great deal prior to my promotion to Director. Crystal and met and became friends when we worked together to develop and implement the CRM that my company uses. Okay...So...Nick decided to travel to London in order to see his friends (the band Squeeze) in their farewell tour. He mentioned his trip to Crystal during a company wide meeting and she expressed interest as she had never been to London before. Nick tells her to come along and she and a friend decided to join Nick. In April, while working on the CRM, Crystal tells me that her friend no longer is going and she is not crazy about going alone. I tell her I am jealous that she is going and she should still go. After realizing we work well together and have fun at the same time, she thinks we would be good travel buddies and convinces me to go with her. All I would have to do is get a ticket and bring spending money. I took about 3.1 seconds to decide and said...why the hell not! Although an odd lot for travel companions, (everyone in our company thought it was plain weird!) we ended up realizing that we are all equally as weird and we traveled really well together and can't wait to do it again.

2. Exchange Rate...Hello!

Why Why Why must the dollar be worth complete poo right now. Why! When we decided to take out little voyage overseas none of us had any idea that the lovely state of our financial system would be such diddly poo poo that it would cost us a small fortune, plus our first born children in order to simply eat, drink, and be merry. Now, I know I tend to exaggerate, but really, this was insane. At the time I traded my shabby dingy little dollars for beautiful and brilliant pounds sterling I thought that it wouldn't be so bad. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. The current exchange rate on December 1st in London 2.17! That is right. More than double for everything those doing the conversion in their heads! I handed them a wad of American Money and was given 4 bills and 2 coins back in return. Fan-Tastic. So, we said that we would all just be frugal and smart with our money. But reality didn't really set in until we went for our first walk around town. We were like freak'n Lavern and Shirley as we skipped down the street with anticipation. It was sprinkling and Nick didn't have a hat. So, logically, we stopped to get him an umbrella. He walked in...handed the man his money and walked out with a huge grin. 10 pounds...not bad. 15 minutes later Nick comes to a dead stop and proclaims....Holy Sh%$@t I just bought a $21.00 umbrella. HELLO! From that moment on...the trip would never be the same :)

1. Holy Turbulence Batman!

I Hate flying! Even the lovely ladies on Virgin Atlantic can't stop me from hating flying. There is something about being trapped in this airtight box, thousands of miles in the air with no possibility of escape that gets me every time. Luckily, the wonderful world of air travel allowed us to be seated together so I was feeling abit better. Soo....first off, if you haven't traveled internationally recently, and I am referring to post 9/11 life.. it is ridiculous. There are bag restrictions, clear, thick, quart, gallon, 6 pound, 13 pounds, locked, unlocked, soft sided, hard sided, personal item, carry-on, checked..you name it...there is a rule. We thought we had packed well. We were wrong!

Rule #1..you can take two carry-ons to London...but only one on the way back (and that includes your purse. But they only tell you this in line checking in. Failure to know this ahead of time will have you flagged by security.

Rule #2..your carry-ons can weigh no more than 13 pounds ( 6 pound on the way back) you do the math.

Rule #3..those carry-ons can only have so many pockets and compartments before they deem them "unflyable" and you must consolidate. Using one will have you flagged by security.

Rule #4...a passport must be signed before going in to the check-in line or you will be flagged by security.

Rule #5...using a gallon bag that is only 1/2 full for your liquids is not a substitute for using a quart size clear plastic bag. Doing so will have you flagged by security.

Are you seeing the pattern here. If not, I will tell you...we all screwed up and were "flagged by security" fabulous! Alas, we were not flustered. Nothing could ruin the trip. Off we go and onto the plane. And what a plane that was. An airbus and we were sittin' pretty in our comfy seats. We each had our own personal TV and DVD player, the meal was edible and actually good, and better yet, Free "spirits" for the whole 6 hour flight. NICE. I was half way through Chuck and Larry Get Hitched or whatever it is (Mr. Brooks was not available :( ) when it started. You guessed it Turbulence. Not just any turbulence, I mean the shakes that are so bad the flight attendants take their seats and you are convinced that the oxygen masks will fall at any minute. I buried my head in the seat and put my little eye mask on..thinking that this would help. Where the hell are the Xanex when you need them. I saw my life flash before me and heard that stupid "un-ironic" Alanis Morrisette song ringing in my head. I would meet my end on a plane without even get to fully utilize the free "spirit" perk. Aggggggggggggggggg. It lasted almost an hour and then....smooth sailing, or should I say flying. We landed almost two hours ahead of schedule due to the horrible wind, and it was London here we come...


The infamous Mind the Gap in the Tube before we hitched a ride on the Heathrow Express.


Nick is obviously very pleased to be in London.


We finally make it to Paddington Station and hop across the street to the hotel. Nick and Crystal are ready to check in!

We get to the desk and our rooms are mysterious not there...oh wait. They found them and we are off to a good start. That is until Crystal and I find out Nick is on the first floor and she and I are on the third. Four flights of stairs (odd for three floors right...), a spiral staircase and a rope tow to get to our room. We would be working off the beer for sure. It was like taking a ski lift in the Swiss Alps for crying out loud. But hey...it was in London, who the hell cares! Oh and funny story...as we go our separate ways to our room..the clerk goes. " You two have a room up there...hey is that your father?" Poor Nick.

Bye Bye My Little British Friends...

I'm back on American soil and have mush to tell of my London adventures. We all know I can talk...so the fact that I have so much to say about my trip should be a surprise to no one! Also knowing that I can't sit still for more than five minutes at a time, I have decided to break up the trip into "British Blog Installments". That way, nothing gets lost in an eight page chronicle of events! Because, of course, every last bit is important and can't be missed. And I am sure, you will all find it as alarmingly funny as I did...right~

I'll include some pictures..but for the most part you can view my trip on snapfish or flickr!

CHEERS!

No Posts until the end of the week folks! I'm hopping across the pond to Jolly Ole' England for some relaxation, culture, mixed with a little Rock and Roll. I'll be taking in the sites, visiting museums and will be a special guest of "Squeeze" at their farewell show in London. Rock on My Friends. I'll be sure to report back as soon as I am on American soil again. (HB-->BD)

Cheers!